Marriage is an interesting thing. When we’re young, we think of romance and white dresses and big diamond rings. The funny thing is, that’s an accurate depiction of a wedding, rather than a marriage.
Tonight we’re heading out on a family trip to Berlin, via a night train. Because I don’t want to have to take precious family time to write articles for work, Jason volunteered to take the children out for a “forced march” and lunch so that I could write in peace.
This is better than another diamond.
I’d love to say that every moment of the past 12 years have been utter bliss, but that would be a lie. We’ve had a *few* arguments and been through a couple of trials here and there. We’ve learned that neither one of us is good at planning ahead, paperwork, and matching socks. We disagree politically and generally cancel each other out at the polls. (I would be the correct one, by the way.) We strongly dislike each other’s choice in music.
But, there has not been a single day in the entire 4383 days of our marriage where we haven’t both said, “I love you.” Not a single day, even though we’ve spent many of those days on separate continents. We’ve said it even when we’ve both been puking. (Thank you small children for bringing home that particular joy.)
And more importantly than saying it, we actually mean it. Even when we’re being annoying or being annoyed (we take turns in those different roles). We’re committed and we work at it and it gets better and better.
One of the things that annoys me the most is married people whose “relationship status” on Facebook changes with each disagreement. It’s not ever complicated. Either you are married or you are not married. There is a clear demarcation between the two.
If I had just had a fight with my husband, and then logged onto Facebook to find that he now described our relationship as “it’s complicated,” would I be inclined to work towards forgiveness and understanding? Why would you do that?
Marriage isn’t for wimps. But it’s not for heroes either. It’s both the greatest comfort and the greatest challenge in our lives. And I am glad that 12 years ago, we both had the wisdom and foresight to say, “Yes.”